Sleep Apnea, Sleep Disorders, CPAP, BiPAP - Help Me Breath

I would make a horrible scientist. First of all I seem to be incapable of thinking in a linear fashion. Second of all, I am unable to conduct an experiment properly. I was walking to work today trying to remember vocab words from science class, the only two I could come up with were “control group” and “mode”. I slept so poorly the night before, and I was so tired yesterday, I thought well maybe I’m getting bad sleep and the medication is wiping me out the next day.

So last night I mad the decision to only take an ativan before bed. Of course, right before bed, I popped and ativan, then half a ambien and decided to spray down and try my full face mask that has been screwing my face up. So, short story long, I slept even worse last night and I was so tired I could barely get out of bed this morning, I don’t know if it was the ambien, ativan, or the fact that I was so paranoid about my skin breaking out from the full face mask, I put it on too loosely and it leaked and woke me up 5 every minutes.

Like I said, great scientist. I am exhausted and I know nothing more than I did, maybe even less. So I popped an adderall XR with my breakfast. I only had one, but I was saving it for a day I really needed it. I fell asleep at my desk yesterday for 30 mins, so I figured today – I need it.

This weekend I will experiment on the days I can sleep in. I will become a better scientist—and less of a pharmacist (which I’m not good at either)

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Unfortunately, I still am having a lot of problems sleeping. I can fall asleep fairly easily but I cannot stay asleep. I wake up almost every hour. I was explaining to my Father that the days when I sleep through most of the night are as memorable as a good vacation, and happen about as often.

I have become totally reliant on drugs to help me sleep. Unfortunately my tolerance is through the roof. I have been taking 10 mg of ambien every night for about 7 months now. Of course people say “I take it when I need it.” Well, I need it every night, there is never a time when I think that I don’t need to sleep. So, based on that and how stressed out I get when I am about to run out, I’m fairly certain, I am addicted.

I have also been self medicating with Ativan, another bad one. Benzo addiction is no fun. I have been taking it for my massive anxiety and it’s been incredibly effective. The problem, benzo’s are addictive. I am taking around 4 mg throughout the day. I have not been having panic attacks at work. I can walk into a meeting and present without going blind or turning blotchy and red, this is good. I guess it’s a toss up. The problem is I don’t have my own prescription so I am reliant on someone else to give them to me and that train could leave the station at any time, I need to get to a Dr. for my own.

On the bad nights, which is often, I have been known to take 10 mg of ambien, 1 mg of ativan, and tylenol pm. I know, I know, not good. Everyday is the best day and the worst day to quit.

My restless leg crap has been kicking up again, and I know why. I was given a two week trial of requip but I want to wait until it comes back every night before I try it. I think I have enough pills in my system as it is.

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